Closure doesn’t mean you get the last word.
Over the years, I’ve found myself in relationships that ended when I wasn’t ready. Some were professional. Others personal. All were over before I knew it. They felt unfinished. I still had pain to express, questions to ask and actions to defend.
I remember times when I’d replay the final scene in my mind – an exacting director incessantly shouting, “Cut. Let’s try that again.” I’d fuss with the words. Change the protagonist and, finally, create the ending I wanted. That is – had I been given the opportunity for closure.
Then, one day, my notion of closure changed. Suddenly a whole new avenue of insight opened. Here’s what I realized:
When someone says it’s over, it’s over. It’s that simple. It’s that final.
As disempowering as that might be, it’s also empowering. To recognize what is, and what’s isn’t, within your control is freeing. It allows you to focus on reality and rebuilding. It’s been said that, when one door closes, another one opens. I don’t know if that’s true. If it is, yeah closure. For me though, grasping that closure doesn’t require a counterpoint, is positive and liberating enough.
Light casts shadows
Growing up, I had to handle difficulties that caused me to veer off course from what might be called a normal childhood. In doing so, I missed avenues usually laid before us as we mature.
In later years, I found myself crippled by a need to understand experiences I had undergone and the people who were part of them. I wanted to identify wrong turns I had taken – and why – so I could detour if I began turning toward the familiar again. Moving forward, I wanted to find avenues that would make both the journey positive and rewarding.
But it’s hard to find anything in the dark. I needed clarity.
So I explored my childhood. I know, I know, it’s not “au courant” to look back. Goal setting, forward thinking and Anthony Robbins all have their place. However, when your soul is a tangled mess of wrong turns along the only roads you thought existed – and you’re at risk of getting lost forever in the maze – then sometimes going back to the beginning is the best way to get to a better place.
So I did. I’m glad for it. Wrongs were righted. Questions were answered. I was enlightened. The darkness lifted. I could look ahead and see a brighter landscape.
There’s just one thing with clarity – light casts shadows.
Suddenly the brightest memories and people in my life began to dim, some slightly, some deeply. Yet, some not at all. Those were the keepers!
Light also creates contrasts. I began to compare people, experiences, stations in life. It too was painful. But it helped me set standards and define boundaries.
All to say, finding the truth can change how you see everything. So be prepared for the full spectrum.
I was dating a man some years ago who actually broke up with me via email. I’ve since heard this is common, as are text breakups. However, I’m not 20. To me, this isn’t common. It’s cowardly.
A friend of mine was floored. She thought I was so much better than him in the first place (female friends are the best!). After spewing a side-splitting diatribe, she said “he’ll get his karma.”
And that’s when it hit me – Karma was already at play.
In popular usage (admittedly, I’m simplifying a rich spiritual belief), Karma means what goes around will come around. Do good and good will come to you. Do bad and bad will come to you.
But I don’t think it “will”. I think Karma is more immediate than that. Here’s why – if you’re someone who does wrong without basic regard for others, then you’re a dishonourable person. You’re someone I’d never respect and, given my worth (or, rather, self-worth), that’s Karma right there.
I’ve realized that the people who’ve hurt me the most are the people I think the least of – and that’s Karma. That I would prefer to me to them – that’s Karma. That they’d never again be invited into my life – again, Karma.
The reverse is true too – if you’re someone wonderful, then you get me love, respect and loyalty in return. That’s Karma.
So there you have it, when it comes to people’s actions toward me, Karma is immediate and me.
I mentioned early on that I wasn’t sure where I’d go with this blog. Because it’s a personal one, I have an open field. That means, I can bore you with more of these wisdoms (you’ve been warned). It also means that you’re welcome to provide me suggestions and contributions. The blog is for all of us. My hope is to create a community of women who can share opinions, information and insights.
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